unfinished story, help decide whether it's worth it to finis
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- cuttingagent
- Posts: 431
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: hardcorvallis, oregon
unfinished story, help decide whether it's worth it to finis
i was gonna make this a book but i never finished it. maybe i'll make it a pamphlet or a comic or short story someday. but you can read/critique/flame it for the meantime, maybe give some suggestions on what i should do with it and how long should it be?
a couple things - first, it reminds me way too much of the movie Idiocracy, do you see it?? and... sorry for the typos. i didnt feel like fixing some of them yet. now i dont know if i like the first few lines or even the idea of trying to go somewhere with that humanity as hard data concept. anyway...
I HATE 2028
CHAPTER ONE (or whatever)
this isn't just the latest model in mobile entertainment and
communication technology. this is 65 million years of human
knowledge channeled into the high tech culture's best
ambitions. today most of the upper middle class of America
is pooling their savings into what they never believed could
be done. all lined up to have their entire beings converted to
hard data. no one really questioned why the insanely wealthy
weren't doing the same.
they had all seen the commercial debut during superbowl
halftime at Philip Morris Stadium earlier that week. before
that, there had been teaser ads placed in all major malls,
fast food outlets and convenience stores. last year the race
between the US and Japan to develop the technology was
widely publicized and almost completely overshadowed media
focus on this year's coming presidential election. not that it
mattered, 4 years ago the states had a record low voter
turnout of 23 percent. nobody cared about politics anymore.
new high tech gadgets were being developed on a weekly
basis. for instance, the Samsung Aspire 4046 released just
this August had already become uselessly outdated and
phased out by the company. people were racing in circles to
own the latest mobile for that exact moment when it was the
latest mobile, only to throw them away in a month in a half
when the service providers phased out services to outdated
models. this bred mass apathy in the hearts of people eager
to impress others the world over.
you can buy an Aspire 4046 from any pawn shop for $5.99,
and if you're 24 years old and live in a manufactured home
with your mother and little sister, you just might. with a few
.dll tweaks you can still communicate on the old junkers,
make phone calls and send text messages, video conference,
and connect to the internet. hell, you wouldn't even have to
pay for it once the model is phased out. they're not even
really outdated, they just don't look as sleek or customizable
as the next model. you can even place a call to the middle
east or australia and talk for an hour without paying
anything. but you can't download the latest Toastphreek music
video for 6 dollars and the internal clock won't change for
daylight savings time.
i have an Aspire 4046. i traded 4 cigarettes to a meth head
under the bridge for it last month while i was walking home
from the bar high as hell. it's 5:07am. my Aspire says
otherwise.
if you look on extremeauctiontron.com, the latest in
ultimateebaycorp.com subsidies, you may still find a Samsung
SonicOPTIK 3039 which was released in the spring of 2026,
but it'll cost you at least 15 large. that's collecter shit.
anything made within the past year is scooped up at the
pawns by hackers, then usually destroyed after a couple
weeks worth of felony government file intrusion is logged by
the NSA. anything left undestroyed becomes vintage technology and a bunch of geeks sell and resell it at exorbitant ammounts on the web.
if you had been glued to the Murdocorporation News
Explosion Channel last winter you may have seen a 40
second segment containing a generally uninformative and
opinionated account of what was said to be the biggest non
celebrity news issue of 2027. the news was huge on the
internet. Mordocorp. News Explosion devoted an entire 40
seconds to documenting the controversy, which was the
longest slot the station had given any non celebrity news in
at least 5 years.
A hacker had gotten holds of one of these older models and
managed to tap into a string of legal information databases
that hadn't been accessed for years. the hacker discovered
all the passwords guarding them were common church slogans
such as "god hates faggotards" and "for the wages of tax
fraud is death." after uploading some questionable
pornography to the server, he deleted the one and only
remaining copy of the United States Constitution and the Bill
Of Rights, which was in Ultraviewer Textfeild Advanced format
(.UTA).
this happend in 2023 but went unnoticed until a lawyer
thought to check the bill of rights after a client sued his
manager at a McDonald's Sushi Express, claiming he had a
legal right to take home whatever food he wanted for free. it
was the first civil rights lawsuit since Rifle-Mart VS. The
People of The State of Rhode Island in late 2011, in which a
jury ruled 7 to 1 in favor of Rifle-mart, and every Rhode
Island citizen was court ordered to spend at least $200 per
household at the establisment during the following year. in
addition, all permanent residents would save 3.5 percent on
their state income taxes if the household spent at least
$1200 at any Rifle-mart during the next fiscal year. the
figure actually worked out to 1.6 percent after state income
tax bonus fees were applied to the break, but few
complained. this was the year Samsung released it's first
semi-automatic weapon capable of playing downloadable
songs, game shows, and sports videos off the internet, for a
nominal monthly fee plus $6.99 per download. the model also
featured an electric heat massage unit and was was wrapped
in a detachable black plastic casing that could be removed
and upgraded with a more colorful one, adorned with
celebrity musicians and characters from popular primetime
drama shows. Of course by 2027 this was all ancient
technology that lacked commercial appeal of the nation's
upper scale faux-urban youth.
This lawyer had paid $25 to send an email to 411online.com
inquiring about the legal right to embezzlement and through a
series of channels was referred to the database and sold a
copy of the passwords for $650 from a less than trustworthy
porn bootlegger from fiji that he sometimes ordered films
from. by then the text from the page had been deleted,
replaced by a looped video of a raccoon licking peanut
butter off of a translucent purple dildo. he called another
lawyer freind and the question went from person to person
until it found the attention of some underworked and bored
goverment officials, onward through a chain of higher levels
of generally incompetent politicians until they all just gave
up and asked the President what to do about it. The
President of course volunteered to rewrite the entire
document, as well as the United States Constitution. nobody
tried to stop him. his versions were poorly worded and inane,
but most people were too busy either pre-ordering or
protesting the release of both Kobe Bryant's daughter's porno
debut as well as her third pop music video.
The rewriting of the Bill of Rights and Constitution, which set
new precedents for celebrity family lawsuits from Los
Angeles to New York City, set the preface for 2028: the
worst year of my life.
a couple things - first, it reminds me way too much of the movie Idiocracy, do you see it?? and... sorry for the typos. i didnt feel like fixing some of them yet. now i dont know if i like the first few lines or even the idea of trying to go somewhere with that humanity as hard data concept. anyway...
I HATE 2028
CHAPTER ONE (or whatever)
this isn't just the latest model in mobile entertainment and
communication technology. this is 65 million years of human
knowledge channeled into the high tech culture's best
ambitions. today most of the upper middle class of America
is pooling their savings into what they never believed could
be done. all lined up to have their entire beings converted to
hard data. no one really questioned why the insanely wealthy
weren't doing the same.
they had all seen the commercial debut during superbowl
halftime at Philip Morris Stadium earlier that week. before
that, there had been teaser ads placed in all major malls,
fast food outlets and convenience stores. last year the race
between the US and Japan to develop the technology was
widely publicized and almost completely overshadowed media
focus on this year's coming presidential election. not that it
mattered, 4 years ago the states had a record low voter
turnout of 23 percent. nobody cared about politics anymore.
new high tech gadgets were being developed on a weekly
basis. for instance, the Samsung Aspire 4046 released just
this August had already become uselessly outdated and
phased out by the company. people were racing in circles to
own the latest mobile for that exact moment when it was the
latest mobile, only to throw them away in a month in a half
when the service providers phased out services to outdated
models. this bred mass apathy in the hearts of people eager
to impress others the world over.
you can buy an Aspire 4046 from any pawn shop for $5.99,
and if you're 24 years old and live in a manufactured home
with your mother and little sister, you just might. with a few
.dll tweaks you can still communicate on the old junkers,
make phone calls and send text messages, video conference,
and connect to the internet. hell, you wouldn't even have to
pay for it once the model is phased out. they're not even
really outdated, they just don't look as sleek or customizable
as the next model. you can even place a call to the middle
east or australia and talk for an hour without paying
anything. but you can't download the latest Toastphreek music
video for 6 dollars and the internal clock won't change for
daylight savings time.
i have an Aspire 4046. i traded 4 cigarettes to a meth head
under the bridge for it last month while i was walking home
from the bar high as hell. it's 5:07am. my Aspire says
otherwise.
if you look on extremeauctiontron.com, the latest in
ultimateebaycorp.com subsidies, you may still find a Samsung
SonicOPTIK 3039 which was released in the spring of 2026,
but it'll cost you at least 15 large. that's collecter shit.
anything made within the past year is scooped up at the
pawns by hackers, then usually destroyed after a couple
weeks worth of felony government file intrusion is logged by
the NSA. anything left undestroyed becomes vintage technology and a bunch of geeks sell and resell it at exorbitant ammounts on the web.
if you had been glued to the Murdocorporation News
Explosion Channel last winter you may have seen a 40
second segment containing a generally uninformative and
opinionated account of what was said to be the biggest non
celebrity news issue of 2027. the news was huge on the
internet. Mordocorp. News Explosion devoted an entire 40
seconds to documenting the controversy, which was the
longest slot the station had given any non celebrity news in
at least 5 years.
A hacker had gotten holds of one of these older models and
managed to tap into a string of legal information databases
that hadn't been accessed for years. the hacker discovered
all the passwords guarding them were common church slogans
such as "god hates faggotards" and "for the wages of tax
fraud is death." after uploading some questionable
pornography to the server, he deleted the one and only
remaining copy of the United States Constitution and the Bill
Of Rights, which was in Ultraviewer Textfeild Advanced format
(.UTA).
this happend in 2023 but went unnoticed until a lawyer
thought to check the bill of rights after a client sued his
manager at a McDonald's Sushi Express, claiming he had a
legal right to take home whatever food he wanted for free. it
was the first civil rights lawsuit since Rifle-Mart VS. The
People of The State of Rhode Island in late 2011, in which a
jury ruled 7 to 1 in favor of Rifle-mart, and every Rhode
Island citizen was court ordered to spend at least $200 per
household at the establisment during the following year. in
addition, all permanent residents would save 3.5 percent on
their state income taxes if the household spent at least
$1200 at any Rifle-mart during the next fiscal year. the
figure actually worked out to 1.6 percent after state income
tax bonus fees were applied to the break, but few
complained. this was the year Samsung released it's first
semi-automatic weapon capable of playing downloadable
songs, game shows, and sports videos off the internet, for a
nominal monthly fee plus $6.99 per download. the model also
featured an electric heat massage unit and was was wrapped
in a detachable black plastic casing that could be removed
and upgraded with a more colorful one, adorned with
celebrity musicians and characters from popular primetime
drama shows. Of course by 2027 this was all ancient
technology that lacked commercial appeal of the nation's
upper scale faux-urban youth.
This lawyer had paid $25 to send an email to 411online.com
inquiring about the legal right to embezzlement and through a
series of channels was referred to the database and sold a
copy of the passwords for $650 from a less than trustworthy
porn bootlegger from fiji that he sometimes ordered films
from. by then the text from the page had been deleted,
replaced by a looped video of a raccoon licking peanut
butter off of a translucent purple dildo. he called another
lawyer freind and the question went from person to person
until it found the attention of some underworked and bored
goverment officials, onward through a chain of higher levels
of generally incompetent politicians until they all just gave
up and asked the President what to do about it. The
President of course volunteered to rewrite the entire
document, as well as the United States Constitution. nobody
tried to stop him. his versions were poorly worded and inane,
but most people were too busy either pre-ordering or
protesting the release of both Kobe Bryant's daughter's porno
debut as well as her third pop music video.
The rewriting of the Bill of Rights and Constitution, which set
new precedents for celebrity family lawsuits from Los
Angeles to New York City, set the preface for 2028: the
worst year of my life.
([agent.)]
- Silent Frog
- Posts: 842
- Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: Bristol/Norwich, UK
I like it a lot. Funny, odd and imaginative while disturbingly close to the truth, as all good sci-fi should be. How were you planning on building on this plot-wise?
- cuttingagent
- Posts: 431
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: hardcorvallis, oregon
frog, i was planning on having to build a very crowded timeline for a lot of events, which is hard because not knowing when i'd have t finished, withinm a few years i'd be spilling into the 2011 range. there would be a lot of stuff on the degradation of politics and the complete overthrow of the human mind by consumerism, that kinda shit. throw in some weird future sex or wahtever too, maybe have a good bit on v-sex vs. person to person contact. if. you have any suggestions or criticisms i would be more than happy to consider them
veph, i wrote this last summer and have since learned to capitalise =)
i will edit it eventually
veph, i wrote this last summer and have since learned to capitalise =)
i will edit it eventually
([agent.)]
- matt bleak
- Posts: 314
- Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:00 am
a bit phillip k dick-ish, but thats not such a bad thing...as silent frog said this is disturbingly close to the truth, especially for somebody living in your part of the world. i wouldn't worry about the capitalization thing too much - check some of the more experimental work of j.g. ballard (if you haven't already done so - i'm not elitist name-checking merely suggesting something) and see some of the ways in which he wrote and you will see it is not that necessary to use capitals and such. all in all i reckon you are onto something here - possibly worth focusing more on that worrying what some old lunatic from downunder is saying about you elsewhere in the 'bullshit' section...and if you don't like my critique you can always tell mom
- cuttingagent
- Posts: 431
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: hardcorvallis, oregon
matt i find it adorable that you think i'm worried about what you say about me in a forum. but as i am the messiah of professional breakcore, i have nothing to worry about. i can turn water into wine, and turn wine into gabber kicks, and turn gabber kicks into record deals, and turn record deals into fish. and i really like fish.
i haven't read any philip k. dick, or j.g. ballard, but while i do have an affliction for unorthodox text tactics, i like to use proper punctuation these days just to make it easier to read. most of my new stuff is edited all proper like for that reason.
i haven't read any philip k. dick, or j.g. ballard, but while i do have an affliction for unorthodox text tactics, i like to use proper punctuation these days just to make it easier to read. most of my new stuff is edited all proper like for that reason.
([agent.)]
- matt bleak
- Posts: 314
- Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:00 am
cuttingagent wrote:matt i find it adorable that you think i'm worried about what you say about me in a forum. but as i am the messiah of professional breakcore, i have nothing to worry about. i can turn water into wine, and turn wine into gabber kicks, and turn gabber kicks into record deals, and turn record deals into fish. and i really like fish.
i haven't read any philip k. dick, or j.g. ballard, but while i do have an affliction for unorthodox text tactics, i like to use proper punctuation these days just to make it easier to read. most of my new stuff is edited all proper like for that reason.
well i like a good meaty read that doesn't contain words like 'pwned' and OMGLOLZ every few sentences so be sure to keep posting more of your work or links to your work...otherwise i will tell mom again!
- cuttingagent
- Posts: 431
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: hardcorvallis, oregon
well you got my myspace most of it is up there, i would recommend cycling back and reading 'life as a glitch in coding" parts one through four, it's more in the vein of life, sex and romance among the clinically insane, it's a bit more poetic than this, and i'm still working on it so those are just the first four chapters.
([agent.)]
- matt bleak
- Posts: 314
- Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:00 am
- cuttingagent
- Posts: 431
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: hardcorvallis, oregon
after i post this pointless pop-culture referencing image
what is this, fuckin Family Guy now?
([agent.)]
- Silent Frog
- Posts: 842
- Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 12:00 am
- Location: Bristol/Norwich, UK
I agree with Matt, it is in the same vein as Philip K Dick, which is by no means a bad thing. I'd say it's more like Ken Macleod, who writes amazing sci-fi in the same near-future type way.
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